As much as we accept that feedback and coaching are good things, most people still feel awkward when giving and receiving feedback. We secretly hate it and don’t know how to do it better.
My experience at McKinsey early in my career, after working at GE, was the first time I learned both how to receive and give feedback. As I internalized these skills and moved on to other companies, I was shocked at how bad most organizations are at building a good feedback culture.
But why is this so important?
Giving feedback without knowing what you are doing is like driving blind.
Debunking The Feedback “Sandwich” Approach
Before we get into what good feedback looks like, let’s talk about the famed feedback sandwich.
The feedback sandwich sounds great: Start with positive feedback, then deliver the constructive feedback, and then close with another positive comment.
The reason this resonates, however, is that most people don’t get positive feedback. We are constantly corrected on mistakes and errors.
But if the constructive feedback isn’t valuable who cares? You just got a meal of useless information.
The biggest problem with this is that people know about the feedback sandwich. If you are embracing this approach, it feels insincere. People know you are bullshitting them by adding on positive stuff.
The Problems With Most Feedback
There are many issues with traditional feedback. My person
- Pet peeves: Managers often focus on minor annoyances rather than major issues. This can lead to frustration and wasted effort on trivial matters (I once had a manager who made me capitalize a word that really shouldn’t have been capitalized on every document).
- Limited iterations: Projects don’t have enough revision cycles earlier in the process. When you are getting feedback right before finishing something, it’s too late. This rush at the end can result in subpar outcomes and unnecessary stress.
- Misaligned with growth: Comments don’t address areas where the person wants to improve. The best kind of feedback is comments aligned with what the person is actually trying to get better at.
- Lack of specificity: Feedback is often too vague, making it difficult for recipients to take concrete action.
- Timing: Feedback is sometimes given too long after the event, reducing its impact and relevance.
Radical Candor: A Better Starting Framework
One of the most useful frameworks I’ve found for feedback comes from Kim Scott, a former Googler who has championed a concept called “radical candor.”
In a presentation to First Round Capital in 2015 she presented an intuitive framework:
Many people can quickly identify experiences where they have received feedback that falls in the yellow or green zone. This is what we want to avoid. Scott goes on in the video:
Radical candor is humble, it’s helpful, it’s immediate, it’s in person — in private if it’s criticism and in public if it’s praise — and it doesn’t personalize.” That last P makes a key distinction: “My boss didn’t say, ‘You’re stupid.’ She said, ‘You sounded stupid when you said um.’ There’s a big difference between the two.”
Now that may seem a little tough, but this type of approach can be effective — if it is grounded in a culture of respect and follows the principles I call out below:
How Feedback Happened At McKinsey: My 5-Step Approach
At McKinsey, I received such high-quality feedback that it made me crave it everywhere else I worked.
Unfortunately, I didn’t find it. In my frustrated attempts at trying to decode what made it so great, I came up with this five-step process:
#1 Self-Reflection: “Know Thyself” is a great idea in theory, but hard to do in practice. Anyone who aspired to be great at coaching and feedback needs to start to separate what bothers them personally versus what will help another employee improve. Too many times, I have seen managers default to focusing on their own neurotic pet peeves. This leads to a lack of appreciation of other working styles and can lead to teams becoming more homogeneous and less creative. So ask yourself — Is this feedback I am about to give about me or will it really help this person improve? Everyone has two or three things that drive them crazy. It may be helpful to share these with the people you work with, but become aware of what percentage of your overall feedback and coaching focuses on these things.
#2 Cultivate a Foundation of Respect: All feedback is built on a foundation of respect. The big mistake here is focusing on being well-liked versus building a strong relationship and embracing the concept of radical candor. The easiest way to develop a strong rapport with colleagues is to get to know them. Crazy! I know — but many people do not take this step. Take the effort to ask what others are working on, what they think they are good at, and what you can do to help them generally or on a specific project. When it comes time to offer timely feedback (see next step) you will already have a strong relationship to build on. One thing I do with people when I first start working with them is ask “How do you like to get feedback?” and “What are you trying to improve on?” I also share my personal preferences which shows that I am open and looking forward to them helping me improve as well.
#3 Deliver It Now (Not Later): Most feedback fails on this point. If you are receiving feedback in December about a phone call you made in September, this will just make you resent the person for not telling you at the time. This person really was afraid to be honest and you’ll lose faith that the person wants to see you improve. If it’s not a cultural norm, you need to be proactive to seek out timely feedback. For example, anytime I give a public presentation I always ask one audience member to give me feedback. I always specify two or three specific things I am working on so that they know what to look for. Without someone proactively asking for feedback, I typically ask them, “Would you like feedback on X?” immediately after the observed action. Most people happily say yes.
#4 Specific: Giving someone the feedback that “sometimes you do X” is not helpful. Be specific and use examples when giving someone feedback, especially if it refers to an event in the past. Specific feedback should sound something like this: “I noticed you spoke in a quiet voice when speaking on Tuesday. It could help you appear more confident if you worked on communicating with more energy.”
#5 Next Steps / An Offer to Help: While working at McKinsey, we were trained to give feedback. One of the impressive things was that the people I worked with always made an offer to help with the next steps. Building on the last example, you will notice that the person offered an observation about someone’s energy level but offered no plan for how to change and improve. A better offer could be: “I noticed you spoke in a quiet voice when speaking on Tuesday. It could help you appear more confident if you worked on communicating with more energy. I’m happy to observe your next talk and provide feedback on your progress. I’d also suggest watching Eric speak and asking him for advice, he is very good at this”
So next time you are giving feedback to someone ask yourself:
- Do I really care about this person’s improvement?
- Is this feedback on something that they can control?
- Is the feedback timely and specific?
- Have I made an offer to help them act on the feedback?
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